I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
