I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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