just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
