i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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