Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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