she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
