very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
