I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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