I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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