I can't breathe out the right side of my face
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
