I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
