Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
