Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dear god my vagina.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
