$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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