Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
