My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize