I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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