just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
