All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
