it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
