Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
