u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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