Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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