I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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