Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize