i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
