I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
