Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
