I hate all girls vehemently.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
