the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
