Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize