So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
