I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
