how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
