Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
