i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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