She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
