Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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