the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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