I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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