the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
