I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
