Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
