My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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