someone threw a dead crab at me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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