Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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