Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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