Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
