On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
