Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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