I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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