his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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