Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
