I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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