so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
