I puked a lego.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
