she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
