fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
