we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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