I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
