weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
